


West of What I Expected

by NavigationalMistakes



Category: USWNT - Fandom, Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, PREATH - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:26:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5637229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NavigationalMistakes/pseuds/NavigationalMistakes





	1. Chapter 1

Tobin stood barefoot on the cold distressed floors. Her eyes finding and playing with the patterns laid out by various colors of wood. The floors that were supposed to be the foundation of her whole life. Her toes danced anxiously as she tried to listen to the woman sitting before her.

"Tobin, I'm sorry." She heard her stress the sorry, but the rest of the words were drowned out by the humming of the furnace. Tobin wondered aloud, how could the floor be so cold, damn worthless furnace.

"What?" The harshness of Shirley's voice knocked Tobin from her world, "Tobin, are you listening to me?"

"Huh? Yea. You're sorry." There wasn't a trace of malice laced in Tobin's voice. She already knew that moving back to the States was harder on their relationship than both her and Shirley had ever anticipated. Tobin had wanted to tell her on her birthday. Finally, be able to tell her that she was coming home. She decided to wait, promising that she'd make it up to her for missing her birthday in the first place. It was going to be a surprise. She was gonna come back to PSG. She was coming back so they could finish making a life together.

Shirley continued to speak. Tobin continued to wonder. She wanted no part of what was happening. She lectured Tobin on how she shouldn't have ever left. How she was too close to some of the other gals. How she was tired of hearing Tobin talk about her. Somewhere between all the words Tobin began leaving. She stopped listening. 

Shirley was right. Tobin did talk about her a lot. Tobin though about her a lot. "Look Shirley, you're right ok? I've booked a flight. I'm going home. I'm sorry too." 

Tobin took one last look at Shirley before closing the door behind her. As if it was a reflex Tobin pulled out her phone and called Christen.


	2. Reach

15 hours later and Tobin hadn't known where to begin. She had at least eight hours to find what she was looking for, but in the silence all she found was lists. Lists of all the things she loved about Christen, lists of all things that had gone wrong between her and Shirley, lists of what Christen would say. She was terrified. Checking her watch Tobin figured she had 30 minutes left to figure out what to say. Her Beats made the world disappear as she laid her head back, closed her eyes, and just disappeared with it. 

"Tobs," Christen had been watching Tobin for awhile. She let herself soak in everything the woman was to her. She still had no idea what was going on or why Tobin had even come home so soon. All she knew was that in the usual Tobin fashion she called, asked if she could crash on her couch and here they were. It took a lot of convincing and promises that it wasn't an inconvenience but eventually Tobin gave her, her flight information so she could pick the wild girl up from the airport. With one more gentle nudge Christen finally got her attention. "Tobs, you ok?"

Blushing, Tobin shook her head from the stupor that had become of her. Unable to hide her excitement she threw off her headphones and pulled Christen into a tight embrace. " God, I am so happy to see you Chris." Responding, Christen let the life out of her lungs, "Me too, Tobs."

As the girls made their way to the car Tobin filled in the details as to why she was home so early. She tried to explain everything from when she left PSG, the disaster of Shirley's visit during the WC, and lastly how they just knew it wasn't working anymore. She tried telling Christen about why France was no longer home and why she hadn't wanted to be anywhere but Chicago. It wasn't until 30 minutes into the drive, stolen glances and Christen telling her how happy she was to be spending time with her that Tobin finally said it. 

Stopped at a red light, Tobin grabbed Christen's right hand and took a long hard breath. " Christen, I left because of you. No. I mean. Yes." Tobin's words were failing her as she tried again, "it's just. I've grown an attachment to you. I mean, I wanna be with you. I think about it all the time. And I know it's probably terrible timing, and I'll wait if you want. But it's just, you should know. I really care about you, and I'd like to give us a try if you want. And you're so beautiful and I just think you deserve the world. And you know maybe I could give that to you..." At that moment Christen was grateful that Tobin couldn't hear her breath hitch. She hadn't expected any of this. When Tobin had called her she was excited that she was coming, but also worried about the girl. And now the very thing she had wanted all along was happening. After months of thick air and moments that were almost somethings, it was finally something. "Tobs...can I kiss you now?"


	3. Secrets

Christen smiled at herself as she unlocked her door. The sound of each pin clicking echoed in her ears. She could hear Tobin shuffling behind her, her bags weighing heavily in the air. Walking through the door she felt Tobin's feet planted outside the threshold. There was a lot riding on the moment.

Tobin knew that taking one more step would change everything. It was an act of surrender for the two women. It would mean no longer fighting every cell between them. It would mean defying physics. It would mean being where they were supposed to be. 

Christen silently turned to Tobin. Years of close calls and unspoken words were about to collide in ways that could reset time. Without thinking about it Christen reached out her hand to Tobin. And in that moment Tobin let Christen pull her in.

Simultaneously closing the door Christen pushed Tobin against it. The space between them becoming non existent. She felt Tobin forget to breathe. 

Tobin's eyes rested on Christen's lips, she could hear everything Christen wasn't saying. She prayed she could hear her too. 

Christen leaned in. And time reset. Tobin laced their fingers together and rested their hands on the small of Christen's back. Telling her to come closer. Not even a shadow could come between them. 

Tobin walked Christen towards the couch. Gently she leaned Christen down. 

Christen managed to open her eyes only to be locked inside of Tobin's. Tobin asking her for everything and Christen promising to give her everything.


	4. Time Before Now

Sun began peeking in between the blinds, each strand laying softly across the ruffled sheets. orange curtains softened the light, providing a soft nudge of morning to the room. 

Christen quietly entered her bedroom and smiled at the sight being made before her.   
Tobin was wrapped beneath the warmth of Christen's quilts, her head laying on the over fluffed pillows, she took in a deep breath and couldn't stop the smile from creeping on her face. Morning's had become a source of conflict for her. She hated the very idea of leaving sleep and early morning warmth. However, waking up to the smell of the woman you love and feather light kisses, made her love early mornings.

Christen was lightly kissing her way to Tobin's ear, placing a small nibble upon the top of it. Scooting her face into the nape of Tobin's neck she began to whisper into the sleepy girl.

"Good morning sleepy head," No longer actually being asleep Tobin quickly turned to face the dark haired girl. "Mmmmmm no," before Christen could respond she felt cold hands beneath her shirt. Tobin danced her fingers across in the tiny space between the hem of her shirt and her waistband. Every touch was calculated as Christen shut her eyes and pulled Tobin closer to her. In a shaken breath Christen followed her heart, "Hey babe," her hand tracing the ribs of the woman Tobin mumbled a barely audible response of recognition, "move in with me."

Christen felt Tobin freeze and began to regret following her instincts. As Tobin pulled away she could feel the panic rise from Christen. Her hands reached up to cup the girls face, she traced a kiss across her lips and talked into them, "Chris baby, I've lived here since I laid eyes on you."


	5. Comfort

The smell of breakfast drew Tobin across the small apartment she now shared with her girlfriend. She loved everything about their home. The way it was just the right kind of darkness, the stone grey floors, the old barn doors that separated their kitchen from the living room. All these touches didn't make it perfect for Tobin, what made it perfect was watching Christen in their kitchen.

She moved between the fridge, stove, and counter. Tobin sat at the island, the younger girl grabbed her a cup of coffee with out missing a beat. "Good morning," Christen flashed her a very awake smile. Setting the warm cup before Tobin, Christen gave her a kiss upon the top of her head. 

With her feet resting on the bottom of the metal bar stool, her hands gathered warmth from the coffee cup, Tobin took a small sip and took in the scene before her. She watched as the forward danced between tasks. Grabbing milk from the fridge, flipping pancakes, stirring batter, everything the woman did was magical to Tobin. "Hey babe," busy with making bacon the other woman responded with a small "mhmm." Raising her eye brows and smiling Tobin proceeded with caution, "not that I don't love coffee, pancakes, and bacon, but you've been having a lot of early mornings lately, what's up?"

 

Taking in a deep breathe Christen decided she didn't want to face the middy, and just shrugged her shoulders, "nothing, I just want to get into shape," Tobin knew her well enough to know that she should just wait. She sat drinking her coffee, and Christen continued to keep herself busy with making the love of her life breakfast. "It's just, I started off really well at the World Cup, but I just didn't stick...and with the tour starting I have not been playing much either. You've become a starter for us and Jill relies on you..." as the young girl rambled she didn't hear Tobin begin to make her way over towards the stove, "...I just want to make sure I make it to Rio with you. I know if I can get some time in these next couple games that I can prove I deserve to be there. So I've been going in, working on my first touches, I don't want to be away from you."

 

As she finished Tobin placed her hands on her hips. "Babe," with a quick pull of her hips Christen turned to face the older woman, "I. Love. You." With a strong emphasis to each word Tobin pulled Christen in for a breathe taking kiss. Their lips softly hovering together.


	6. Slowly as it Happens

Tobin knew unconditional love. It was a concept that she understood within her faith. Tobin knew what it meant to love without doubt. She knew it in the way her mother laughed at her antics as a child, in the way she looked like her sisters, in the way her brother looked to her as if she were footprints in the sand. Tobin knew love that meant little when days were hard. She knew love when it wasn't enough. She knew it in the way her heart had been broken. Tobin knew lust in the way that it was never fulfilling. She knew it in heated adolescent, almost taking it too far, moments of her youth. 

Watching Shirley play on the same field as herself made her pulse quicken more than usual. Dawn would ask her how she felt during the game, talk about how in the game her levels were a little off. "Tobin, you're heart rate spiked after the game was finished, are you sure you're ok?" She'd spend too much time saying she was fine. Playing side by side with Christen made Tobin's stomach do flips. The data she'd seen with Dawn looked more like a lie detector test than the steady expected data of a professional athlete. 

A brush of the hand from the green-eyed girl, spike. The smell of her floating in the air, spike. A stolen smile, spike. Christen scoring a goal, spike. Christen on the field, spike. Christen laughing, spike. Christen, spike. Christen, spike. Tobin most often would stare in awe at her data. Feeling love flutter inside your heart was incredible when you could actually see it. Eventually, Dawn would catch on and the questions just turned into endearing smiles. After awhile Tobin asked Dawn if she would print out the data for her. She now had a solid 4 months of tangible showings of her love for Christen. In the few moments she could pull her self away from the girl Tobin poured over the pages. Marking the moments her heart rate spike with notes like, "When you laughed at Kriegs terrible joke," "When I caught you staring at me," "When you smiled at me from across the field," and "When you hit the pitch."

The evidence of her love turned into scouring the internet for pictures of them. When they forgot people were watching. When off to the side of some moment was Tobin watching the way Christen held herself among giants. When the focus was on the team as a whole, but there was Christen's hand sitting on her own. What used to be an annoyance was now a gift that Tobin treasured. Being able to see the two of them fall in love before they even realized it. 

These pages and photos slowly became a story that Tobin could tell in a way that she couldn't put into words. How could she explain the things her heart did for the younger girl without saying the over used "my heart skipped a beat," or "you make my heart go crazy." She could use these things to draw a map for the only person that mattered to her. A map that she knew was needed, but a map she had none the less. It was undeniable to Tobin how much she actually loved Christen. 

Tobin loved Christen unconditionally. She loved her in the way that it filled her bones. She loved her in the way that without question she knew she would grow old with her. She loved her within her faith. She loved her within her memories. She loved her within everything that was difficult and hard. She loved her in the knowledge that it did not have to be measured to be real. She loved her.

The pages and pictures were something to be in awe of for Tobin. The vision of love. As the book grew, and the notes longer Tobin came to the knowledge of why it existed. 

Sitting on her bed Tobin flipped through the pages till she found the one with the most ridiculous spike she'd ever seen. At first she racked her brain wondering what it was that happened. Did she take a bad hit on the pitch? The tape revealed she hadn't. Did she just remember something? Did she forget a moment they shared? She spent a week beating herself up because she couldn't find the piece she was looking for. It was becoming the death of her, until today. Until she was standing in the shower, thinking about how much had changed in such a short period of time. As she listened to Christen singing in their bedroom. As she poured shampoo into her hand, gasping at her realization. Tobin now made the note she was missing, "The moment I knew I wanted to marry you."


End file.
